You Might Be A Drug Addict Alien Abductee If....

Nothing says "waste of time" like surveying people from South Jersey about their alleged abductions by aliens. According a study by Ted Goertzel of Rutgers University, South Jerseyans are far more likely than your average American to be abducted (he was actually working to improve on a previous study). If I were an alien and fished some yokel out of the Pine Barrens, I'd probably throw 'em back too. Take a look at the questions from the study Goertzel referenced that were used to determine if the interviewee had been carried off and probed:

1. Waking up paralyzed with a sense of a strange person or presence or something else in the room.
2. Experiencing a period of time of an hour or more, in which you were apparently lost, but you could not remember why or where you had been.
3. Feeling that you were actually flying through the air although you didn't know why or how.
4. Seeing unusual lights or balls of light in a room without knowing what was causing them.
5. Finding puzzling scars on your body and neither you nor anyone else remembering how you received them or where you got them.

Playing the ever-skeptical Scully to Ted's Mulder, I'd have to assume there is a plausible explanation for each of the 5 symptoms numbered accordingly:

1. Roofies.
2. Whiskey.
3. Weed.
4. Shrooms/LSD/DMT.
5. Crystal Meth.

Given the abundance of all these substances in South Jersey, I'd say the surveyed people were more likely to have visited the right alley in Camden, rather than a spaceship.

[io9]