Oh Sweet Justice

If you grew up in the San Fernando Valley, Long Island, almost anywhere in New Jersey and most of the South, you are familiar with the ever-detestable white gangster. Millions of teens, doused in Polo Sport cologne, shaking the 7-11 parking with basslines from Eminem before buzzing off in a souped-up Honda Civic to go sMokE BluNtz wit da gUrLz have at one point or another suffered imaginary deaths by all our hands. Pacing up and down streets with comically long strides and chins pointed into the air, these former shelter pups transformed into junkyard dawgs after discovering creatine, silver chains, wife-beaters, Lil' Wayne, Against All Odds and sick line-ups.

Today marks a small victory for those of us who've long fantasized about transplanting any one of these self-parodies into the middle of a maximum security prison as alleged DUI killer Joseph Genovese Jr. digs his own grave via MySpace.

Joseph, or "Douchington" as I would rather refer to him, decided it would be funny to put his main pic on MySpace as the mugshot Philadelphia police took of him after the 18-year old killed two people in a drunk driving murder accident. Prosecutors will have to look little further than his profile to find evidence that Douchington is actually the half-retarded Son of Satan and deserves to be mouth-raped by every 1 in 5 herpes carrier in Riker's Island.

Under a photo of his speedometer reading "105 mph" he writes: "aLiL UnDer 120 OnPAcKeR aVE!!..yea digg????"

Under a photo of him with a vodka bottle: "i DRAnK DAt WHOLE BOtTLe!!"

Occupation: "JuSt B DAt Boii!!!..."

Genovese now stands accused of involuntary manslaughter, homicide by vehicle, homicide by vehicle while under the influence and DUI in the death of Cindi Grassi -- he's still in prison because despite a listed income of $250,000 a year, he can't make the $200,000 bail.

His new occupation is going to be "aNaL rAPe v1cTuuum bOiii!" -- I'm sure John McCain can come up with some good jokes about him too.